"I think in some way I wanted it to end, even if it meant my own destruction."
" … To relieve the minds of the parents… I mean, it's a small, very small thing, but I don't know what else I could do. At least I can do that… because I created this horror and it only makes sense that I do everything to put an end to it, a complete end to it." ...The Confession
"It's just a nightmare, let's put it that way. It's been a nightmare for a long time, even before I was caught … for years now, obviously my mind has been filled with gruesome, horrible thoughts and ideas … a nightmare."
"I couldn’t find any meaning in my life when I was out there. I'm sure as hell not going to find it in here. This is the grand finale of a life poorly spent and the end result is just overwhelmingly depressing … it's just a sick, pathetic, wretched, miserable life story, that's all it is. How it can help anyone, I've no idea."
"I don't even know if I have the capacity for normal emotions or not because I haven't cried for a long time. You just stifle them for so long that maybe you lose them, partially at least. I don't know."
"I don't know why it started. I don't have any definite answers on that myself. If I knew the true, real reasons why all this started, before it ever did , I wouldn't probably have done any of it."
" … Like arrows, shooting through my mind from out of the blue." ...Fantasies
"That night in Ohio, that one impulsive night. Nothing's been normal since then. It taints your whole life. After it happened I thought that I'd just try to live as normally as possible and bury it, but things like that don't stay buried. I didn't think it would, but it does, it taints your whole life." ...Hicks
"I was in college that day, thinking about Hicks. I was drinking and in a weepy sort of mood, and I cried about that."
"I'd rather be talking about anything else in the world right now." ...Hicks
"Yup, she's lived in that house a long time." ...'Do you love your grandmother?'
"At about eleven o'clock at night, when everyone was gone and the store was locked up from the outside, I went out and undressed the mannequin and I had a big sleeping bag cover. I put it in that, zipped it up and carried it out of the store, which was a pretty dangerous thing to do. I never thought of them maybe having security cameras or being locked in the store, but I walked out with it and took it back home. I ended up getting a taxi and brought it back and kept it with me a couple of weeks. I just went through various sexual fantasies with it, pretending it was a real person, pretending that I was having sex with it, masturbating, and undressing it."
"I felt in complete shock. I just couldn't believe it happened again after all those years when I'd done nothing like this… I don't know what was going through my mind. I have no memory of it. I tried to dredge it up, but I have no memory whatsoever." ...Steven Toumi
"When I was a little kid I was just like anybody else." On his childhood
"One thing I know for sure. It was a definite compulsion because I couldn't quit. I tried, but after the Ambassador, I couldn't quit. It would be nice if someone could give the answer on a silver platter as to why I did all this and what caused it, because I can't come up with an answer."
"Am I just an extremely evil person or is it some kind of satanic influence, or what? I have no idea. I have no idea at all. Do you? Is it possible to be influenced by spirit beings? I know that sounds like an easy way to cop out and say that I couldn't help myself, but from all that the Bible says, there are forces that have a direct or indirect influence on people's behavior. The Bible calls him Satan. I suppose it's possible because it sure seems like some of the thoughts aren't my own, they just come blasting into my head… These thoughts are very powerful, very destructive, and they do not leave. They're not the kind of thoughts that you can just shake your head and they're gone. They do not leave."
"After the fear and terror of what I'd done had left, which took about a month or two, I started it all over again. From then on it was a craving, a hunger, I don't know how to describe it, a compulsion, and I just kept doing it, doing it and doing it, whenever the opportunity presented itself."
"I knew my grandma would be waking up and I still wanted him to stay with me so I strangled him… I brought him up to the bedroom and pretended he was still alive."
"I took the knife and the scalp part off and peeled the flesh off the bone and kept the skull and the scalp… If I could have kept him longer, all of him, I would have" ...Anthony Sears
"He just wants to make people feel as guilty and lousy as possible. The guy is such a prick." ...His opinion of Geraldo (woohoo!), a statement made prior to the Geraldo Rivera Talk Show broadcast concerning Dahmer's crimes.
"I decided I wasn't ever going to get married because I never wanted to go through anything like that". On his parents marriage
"It was nice, with African cichlids and tiger barbs in it and live plants, it was a beautifully kept fish tank, very clean … I used to like to just sit there and watch them swim around, basically. I used to enjoy the planning and the set-up, the filtration, read about how to keep the nitrate and ammonia down to safe levels and just the whole spectrum of fish-keeping interested me … I once saw some puffer fish in the store. It's a round fish, and the only ones I ever saw with both eyes in front, like a person's eyes, and they would come right up to the front of the glass and their eyes would be crystal blue, like a person's, real cute… It's a fun hobby. I really enjoyed that fish tank. It's something I really miss."
"I separated the joints, the arm joints, the leg joints, and had to do two boilings. I think I used four boxes of Soilex for each one, put in the upper portion of the body and boiled that for about two hours and then the lower portion for another two hours. The Soilex removes all the flesh, turns it into a jelly like-like substance and it just rinses off. Then I laid the clean bones in a light bleach solution, left them there for a day and spread them out on either newspaper or cloth and let them dry for about a week in the bedroom." ...Ernest Miller
"I didn't want to keep killing people and have nothing left except the skull… This is going to sound bad, but … should I say it? … I took the drill while he was asleep…"
"Yes, I do have remorse, but I'm not even sure myself whether it is as profound as it should be. I've always wondered myself why I don't feel more remorse."
The following three quotes concern murders that weighed the most heavily on his conscience
"I wish I hadn't done it." ...Steven Hicks
"I had no intention of doing it in the first place." ...Steven Tuomi
"He was exceptionally affectionate. He was nice to be with." ...Jeremiah Weinburger
"If I'd been thinking rationally I would have stopped. I wasn't thinking rationally because it just increased and increased. It was almost like I wanted to get to a point where it was out of my control and there was no return. I mean, I was very careful for years and years, you know. Very careful, very careful about making sure that nothing incriminating remained, but these last few months, they just went nuts… It just seemed like it went into a frenzy this last month. Everything really came crashing down. The whole thing started falling down around my head… That was the last week I was going to be in that apartment building. I was going to have to move out and find somewhere to put all my possessions. Should I get a chest and put what I wanted to keep in that, and get rid of the rest? Or should I put an end to this, try to stop this and find a better direction for my life? That's what was going through my mind that last week."
"Something stronger than my conscious will made it happen. I think some higher power got good and fed-up with my activity and decided to put an end to it. I don't really think there were any coincidences. The way it ended and whether the close calls were warning to me or what, I don't know. If they were, I sure didn't heed them… If I hadn't been caught or lost my job, I'd still be doing it, I'm quite sure of that. I went on doing it and doing it and doing it, in spite of my anxiety and the lack of lasting satisfaction… How arrogant and stupid of me to think that I could do something like this and just go about my life normally as if nothing ever happened. They say you reap what you sow, well, it's true, you do, eventually … I've always wondered, from the time that I committed that first horrid mistake, sin, with Hicks, whether this was sort of predestined and there was no way I could have changed it. I wonder just how much predestination controls a person's life and just how much control they have over themselves."
"I was completely swept along with my own compulsion. I don't know how else to put it. It didn't satisfy me completely so maybe I was thinking another one will. Maybe this one will, and the numbers started growing and growing and just got out of control, as you can see. "
"It's just like a big chunk of me has been ripped out and I'm not quite whole. I don't think I'm over dramatizing it, and I'm certainly deserving of it, but the way I feel now, it's just like you're talking to someone who is terminally ill and facing death. Death would be preferable to what I am facing. I just feel like imploding upon myself, you know? I just want to go somewhere and disappear."
"When you've done the types of things I've done, it's easier not to reflect on yourself. When I start thinking about how it's affecting the f amilies of the people, and my family and everything, it doesn't do me any good. It just gets me very upset. "
" … If I was killed in prison. That would be a blessing right now."
"I should have gone to college and gone into real estate and got myself an aquarium, that's what I should have done."
"I still have guilt. I will probably never get rid of that, but yes, I'm free of the compulsion and the driving need to do it… I don't think I'm capable of creating anything. I think the only thing I'm capable of is destroying … I'm sick and tired of being destructive. What worth is life if you can't be helpful to someone?"
" This is the grand finale of a life poorly spent and the end result is just overwhelmingly depressing..... a sick pathetic, miserable life story, that's all it is" About his life